Open-water swimming has become one of the hardest parts of triathlon training for me. Not because I can’t swim. I can swim. I’ve spent plenty of time in pools and I’m comfortable there. The problem is what happens in my head when I get into open water.
There is something about not being able to see the bottom, not having lane lines, and not really knowing what is underneath you that gets in my head. I know I’m physically capable of swimming the distance, but knowing that and actually feeling comfortable in the water are two completely different things.
At my last sprint triathlon in Atlantic City, the anxiety won. I didn’t race.
That was pretty frustrating. It was only a 500-meter swim, and I had signed up for the race specifically because I wanted more open-water experience before my bigger races later this year. Instead, I got to the race and talked myself out of it.
I’m not interested in doing that again.
The more I’ve thought about it, the more I realize that swimming harder or getting in better shape isn’t really going to fix the problem. I can swim farther in the pool. I can get faster. I can do all the training in the world, but if I don’t get comfortable actually being in open water, I’m going to keep having the same problem.
So I’m changing the plan.
This Saturday I’m swimming with CIBBOWS in Brooklyn. I’m not going into it trying to prove anything. I just need to get in the water and spend some time there. Get comfortable with how it feels, get my face in the water, work on my breathing, swim around other people, and remind myself that I’m okay.
Then I have the Boston Triathlon coming up. My plan there is to get in the water the day before the race so I can get a feel for the conditions and temperature. Then I’m planning to get in again the morning of the race before the start. Hopefully, by the time the race actually begins, getting into that water won’t feel like a completely new experience.
I know there is a chance I’ll still be nervous.
Honestly, I expect I will be.
I’m starting to realize that the goal probably isn’t to completely eliminate the anxiety. I don’t know if that’s realistic. The goal is to be able to feel anxious and still get in the water.
That’s a different thing.
I don’t need to convince myself that I’m not nervous. I just need to know that I can handle being nervous.
If I get in and my heart starts racing, I’ll slow down. I’ll focus on my breathing. I’ll remind myself that I’ve trained for this and that I don’t have to swim fast. I don’t have to keep up with anyone. I just need to settle down and start swimming.
The biggest lesson from Atlantic City is that I can’t ignore the mental side of this.
I’ve spent a lot of time training my body for these races. I’ve been running, cycling, swimming, and putting in the hours. But none of that matters if I get to the water and decide I can’t do it.
I’m not embarrassed that it happened. I was disappointed, but at least now I know exactly what I need to work on.
Saturday is the next step.
Get in the water.
Stay calm.
Keep swimming.
Then do it again.
I don’t need to be fearless. I just need to get in.